I don't think I could ever express the amount of love I have for my little boy. I feel like there aren't enough words or strong enough words to really make someone understand how much I love this little tiny person.
When I lay him down to shower, eat, clean or do anything else it makes me feel so bad, hence the reason I am typing with one hand right now. I feel like I need to hold him every second because in 5 weeks I have to leave him during the day and I'm not gonna lie, I worry his adorable little head will go flat.... Thankfully, we are slow at work during the spring/summer, so I won't be gone too long most days. This is the first time I have ever been grateful to hopefully not have many hours. I feel like he needs to somehow know how bad I don't want to leave him and how much I love him and I feel like if I hold him and tell him how much I love him all day long he'll somehow know it and feel it. Sometimes I worry he'll be more attached to his babysitter than me because some days she'll see him more than I will. I also worry that no one will hold him and give him as much love as his momma does. I worry about him learning everything he needs to learn without me being there during most of the day.We are hoping Greg's classes end fairly early in the fall, so Evan won't have to be without his mom or dad for very long. My mom and grandma are coming out for 3 weeks while Greg has spring classes, so he won't be with a babysitter until september. I am so grateful for my mom and Grandma. I wish there was some way for me to stay home until Greg is done with school, but if we want to keep our savings, pay bills, eat, and have insurance - It's not possible or if it is I don't know how to do it and any suggestions are welcome :o)
I just love watching him. Every tiny movement and facial expression just melts my heart. He is such a blessing and I am so grateful Heavenly Father has entrusted me to care for him. The only thing I have ever wanted in my life was to be a wife and a mother and I am now so unbelievably content with my life. I was happy when Greg and I got married but I couldn't help but be excited for us to have children. Now I am in sheer bliss. I love being a wife and a mother. It's definitely not all gum drops and glitter especially at 3am, but I wouldn't trade my life for anyone's. Evan doesn't even cry in the wee hours he just wiggles around in bed and grunts and it always wakes me up, so I get up to feed and change him. When Greg is done with school I will be able to be the wife and mother I truly want to be. I can't think of anything better than being a mother.