Saturday, March 19, 2011

A Renewed Sense of Patience

Have you ever felt like your brain was going in 50 million different directions and you weren't able to control one thought at a time or control anything for that matter?

Well this hasn't happened to me since Nursing school, but it did yesterday and I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown.

Today I woke up and went to the temple to sort out my thoughts and hopefully regain control of something...anything.

I don't know if it's just in my nature or if it's the RN in me that feels like I have to be in control of EVERYTHING. It's really exhausting, but I can't seem to shake the need to take charge and control. I feel like I have to scrub the bathroom, vacuum, mop, dust, scrub the kitchen down etc. nearly everyday because it just doesn't feel clean enough when in reality it totally is how could it not be when I use Lysol kitchen cleaner and other Lysol sprays every 5 minutes? I've always been a cleaner, but this is intense and it's just because I feel like the place needs to be spotless for my little one to come home to when it's time and since I have no idea when that is I have to clean and re-clean everyday to be sure when I go to the hospital we can come back to clean home.

The fact that I have absolutely no control when our baby is coming makes it hard to plan and relax for me because I feel like I need to know the exact time to be prepared for it and have a plan....I'm a planner too, so this is doubly hard.

Like I said, I went to the temple today and finally for the first time in a few weeks have actually felt relieved. I asked Heavenly Father to help me regain patience and just control over my emotions and the insanity I have allowed to overcome me. I felt like I allowed myself to be overcome with such a silly burden, but I also felt like the Lord was right there with me when I left the Temple and he indeed, is bearing my burden with me. I'm so grateful that the Lord does know me and all my craziness that I bring on myself, but is still there to bear my burdens with me.

I feel so much better.

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