Putting my big girl panties on

As hard as I have tried to find a way for me to stay home before Greg graduates...it's just not possible. I really like my job so i should just be grateful that we are blessed to have such a good job for our family.

I have never felt so controlled by something before. I have never felt like I couldn't willingly get out of something that I didn't want to do. I have been feeling so trapped and sometimes like I am suffocating
(emotional suffocation) because there is just no way out.

Today at work was a good day. I was honestly convinced it was going to go terribly wrong because I was in a room that I only oriented in last year and I couldn't remember anything about the cases. But to my surprise it was actually a pretty swell day!

I feel like I have regained brain cells after having the baby maybe because I was so tired all the time, but I actually have a memory again. The cases were so easy for some reason I was thinking they were going to be really hard. Anyway I decided that because can't stay home I need to stop dwelling on it and just put my big girl panties on and deal with it.

Since I have been more positive about the situation and thought about how it's such a benefit to our family while Greg is in school I have been happier and more motivated. It's really pretty interesting that you can choose whether to be happy or miserable and once you make that choice your attitude and heart change to whatever choice you make.

I have had many experiences that have shown me I am not in control of everything. When I get into situations that I can't control I have to remember to think positive about the situation and be grateful for the things I have and the lessons and experiences that the situation I am in at that time will give me and just be happy because it could always be worse and being negative generally forces the spirit out of the home and causes negatives feelings for my hubs as well because he usually doesn't know what to say to make me feel better especially in a situation that can't be controlled and it makes him sad that i am sad and it just turns into a sad situation... Anywho I apologize for the ramble and lack of punctuation, but to be completely honest I've always sucked at punctuation which is maybe why I am a nurse because we write like robots- never in complete sentences and half the time in hieroglyphics so there ya have it... the end.